THIS OR THAT With Brandon and Matt – ‘You Wear It Well’
“You Wear it Well”
Underwear or Commando?
Matt: I’ve always been a gal who likes a well-wrapped present. I’m
all about the anticipation and surprise. Let me peel away those
layers like an archaeologist discovering the 8th (inched) Wonder of
the World. So bring me your briefs, your boxers, your freshly
pressed jockstraps that your mom just washed for you. Merry
Christmas to all (me), and to all (me) a good night.
Brandon: I love when the only thing between me and my favourite
play things are a thin layer of jeans. Like a veil of secrecy, Like
Roxxy Andrews, I want to know that we are seconds away from an
IMPRESSIVE reveal. Call me a “sucker” for a secret.
Tank or Fitted Tee?
Matt: All day. Every day. Spring, Summer, Winter or Fall, thankfully they are never out of style. There is just so much to showcase with a tank: the arms, the pits, the chest hair- oh my! Dorothy, we’re not in Kansas anymore. Tank goodness!
Brandon: Silhouettes baby. I want to see how a shirt hugs your
body. Every curve, every angle. When a man lifts their arms, what
surprises are you getting a peek at? It’s like a game. Spot, what
turns you on. The answer is, everything – and that’s the tee!
Basketball Shorts or Grey Sweatpants
Matt: The year was 2002. Alicia Keys’ “Fallin” had just topped the
charts, Kelly Clarkson had just won American Idol – which was a
victory for queer people everywhere – and I feasted my eyes upon
my first group of men wearing basketball shorts. That was the day
I became a man. And I’ve been horny ever since. *Spoiler Alert* –
Still don’t know or understand how to play basketball.
Brandon: I need honesty in a relationship. And when I say
honesty, I mean I need to see it all. And when I say relationship, I
mean the relationship my eyes have with your bulge. It’s like
Dicktoria’s Secret made a perfect article of clothing for the Queer
man to drool upon. It knows no sexuality, it knows no age, it knows
no tax bracket, it knows no secrets. It’s a true equalizer. You can’t
hide. We are here, in the shadows. Waiting…for you to walk past
Join The Homo Sapien Experience on Instagram for more lols of the homosexual variety!