No-Nonsense Non-Monogamy: Let’s talk about the value of your attention
Author: Shrimp Teeth
Exploring queerness, polyamory, and sexuality.
Everything I discuss boils down to attention.
Attention is capital, yet most of us never take the time to strategize who/what we want to focus on; how we want to show up; what outcomes we want from the attention we invest.
Let’s talk about why this is radically important.
Time is the one equally constrained resource for all of us. No matter what you have or don’t, you, like everyone else cannot procure more time.
Attention turns your finite amount of time into currency. You can “spend” your attention on anything you want – making it valuable.
While we hyper-focus on money, most of us don’t realize that acquiring wealth is a direct trade of time/attention.
You can choose to invest attention in making more money or you can do something else. DIY culture turns attention into value when we make things that benefit us!
My perspective changed when I realized that everything I own corresponds to the time I had to work to make enough money to acquire it.
I started asking myself “do I want to spend my attention working to acquire this thing or learning how to make it?” Both answers are valid!
“Focus on queers” doesn’t mean exclude or hate cis straight people (that wastes attention!), I mean spend your attention currency within your community to increase the value & quality of life for the people who share your experiences. These are active choices we get to make.
“Make art” means that you’re diverting your attention from mindless scrolling into creative pursuits. Your attention is turning into skills & potential products.
At worst, it’s avoiding the myriad ways you’re being advertised to and influenced by big tech companies!
Attention obviously also applies to polyamory.
Established pals feel threatened when attention shifts from them to new folks. One reason newly open couples struggle so much is because they’re used to having unlimited access to their pals’ attention and don’t know how to share yet.
Let’s bring it all together!
You are rich. Your attention is valuable. You get to choose what sort of currency you want to turn your attention to; money, social capital, love, skills, products, handmade goods, art, exercise, experiences, distractions, whatever! Your choice.
That means you can choose to spend your attention fostering polyamorous relationships that help build a robust queer community network where you can all work together on projects & art that improve your lives together.
Or not. You can choose to grind for a boss. Your choice!
Being deliberate about how you spend your attention is liberation.
Divesting from capitalism, patriarchy, white supremacy, etc is about diverting your attention away from these systems and back into radical communities and supportive practices.
It’s not magic. It’s your choice!
Sam is a sex educator and artist who explores queerness, polyamory, and sexuality through their work. She’s passionate about exploring ways to broaden relationship structures to foster more connections between people. They use art and illustration as part of their education process.
No Nonsense Non Monogamy is brought to you by GLUE.