5 Straight Up Gay Ways to… survive a hangover
Author: Mark Bittlestone
We’ve all been there. You promise yourself you’ll “only have a couple” and then you wake up the next morning unable to breathe or see. There’s plenty of hangover blogs out there. But THIS is a gay blog for gays. So here are 5 GAY WAYS to survive a hangover.
1) Hair of the dog.
Some people can’t face a drink the day after getting fu*ked up, but some people are also pussies. For me personally, it’s the best way through. If I’ve had a big Saturday night, I tend to navigate Sunday with 3-4 pints or a half bottle of wine and I honestly find that hits my sweet spot (not my ass): the pain of the hangover fades but I still feel fine Monday morning. #FindYourSweetSpot(not an ass metaphor)
This is the classic option really. Part of me knows when I’m hungover that the best thing to do is to get up and get out of the house, but a much bigger part of me just wants to lie on the couch and watch RPDR or Legally Blonde. This option tends to involve jerking off* and hours spent on Grindr with absolutely zero intent to genuinely hook-up.
* (apologies to UK readers for the phrase “jerking off”, I’m under orders from GLUE’s editorial team to make the blog US-friendly, obviously the way I actually said in my mind was “having a wank on my sofa”. English is a beautiful language.)
Let’s face it, this is the best option but it’s also never the one that you can be bothered to do. Make it gay by doing a gym class. These are good because you normally have to book them in advance and that will sometimes make you keep your promise to yourself. My issue is that normally when I’m hungover I genuinely have some of the worst wind known to man, so on a few occasions I have honestly caused gym classes to near-evacuate. But if you can avoid that, do it!
Ngl I am astonishingly horny when I’m hungover. Step in please, science! What’s the deal there? Like Monday-Friday I’m capable of thinking very occasionally about how little sex I have, then all of a sudden Sunday morning I’m like I WILL FU*K ANYTHING. Anyway, if you are fortunate enough to be having regular sex, get it scheduled in for the morning after the night before. You’ll need it.
5) Don’t drink.
Obviously the worst option on the list. I did dry January this year and it was honestly excruciating – and this year there were no social events. The thought of going to “Danny and Millie’s Engagement Party” and not drinking is literally beyond the comprehension of my brain. I’m so shockingly bad at small talk and uninterested in people, so I can’t hack it. But if you can, you GO girl.
Mark Bittlestone is a stand-up comedian. He is also very gay man. Just a very gay man, doing a lot of straight-up gay stuff.
He’s on social media too! Follow Mark on Instagram here and check some of his latest videos below: